Further to yesterday’s self-indulgence (and because the ony reviews I’ve written in the past week can’t be published here for the moment), here is a nice list of all the times readers have truly excercised their right to reply. For the most part, these are culled verbatim from Drowned In Sound, but there are some gems from this ‘blog and some other interactive holes as well. I’d love to go through and link them all the specific reviews, but I’m at work. Soz.
“You are an absolute moron, Daniel Ross. You arse.”
“One grasps for more wit to demean this review than this protracted rebuff, but there really is too much wax in Daniel Ross’ ears.”
“Daniel: never write about music again.”
“Seriously though, you’re a towel.”
“… but seriously Mr. Ross… you barely deserve to have ears, never mind a position as a music journalist.”
“… the worst thing about the internet is that any idiot can be a critic nowadays. What a crock of shit review!!!”
“It’s not my type of music but you obviously have some kind of vendetta…. did the drummer sleep with your sister?”
“Go to see them and in front of their fans afetr a gig. Try and stand outside and stand by your review as they rip you to shreads.”
“Do you even listen to music? Perhaps the sound is a bit muffled being so shoved up your own arse!”
“Lazy ass review from a cynical peice of shit. Go back and listen to Lil Wayne, you faggot.”
“the sad motherf%&cker is probably still waiting for the backstreet boys comeback lol.”
“You are a wrong.”
“What a pointless review you bitter prick. Keep spunking on your freelance “journalist” work, A NORMAL JOB BECKONS FOR YOU. Prrrrrrrick.”
“Sounds like they broke in and buttfuc*ed your Grandad!”
“Listen up you trash talking wanker…you talk about the masses bestowing legend status on U2 for sticking around for 30+ years (oh you noticed that , huh?) and this really isn’t a small feat because any band can do that these days (name one other band to do it successfully with all original members in tact) Obviously you have no clue what’s going on with this new album which I can firmly declare as one of there best to date! That’s right, I said it. Joshua Tree it’s not… but then again it’s not 1987 is it. No, it’s not…hmmm. You have the utter audacity to call this record ugly and speak nothing of the joy that it radiates. For example many critics have fired on Bono for using the lyric “I was born to sing for you” on “Magnificent” calling it pompous and pretentious. Which may actually have a ring of truth if this line was aimed at the fans…not the case…It’s a heartfelt outpouring of joy to give praise to his maker. The album is filled with examples of these kind of misunderstood lines. And furthermore…you make light of the line “reboot yourself” as if “Unknown Caller” is a song of silly subject matter..??????? wtf man. Obviously you haven’t suffered enough to realize the power of these words. How about this instead of trashing this latest effort, and holding it up against every other album they’ve ever made…actually listen to it and try to appreciate it for the great work it is.
And that’s what I got to say about that!”
A towel? Mental. For the record, I was totally right in all of these reviews.